Possibilities?

My plan is to depart Syracuse, where I have been mired since graduating from the SU MFA film program since 2007. With family and well to be honest, a limited amount of friends in the area (not as many as while I was in school--they were bright enough to leave quickly after graduating) I didn't think my life would be as uneventful as it is. So with this tentative plan in motion, or conceptually in motion, I intend to move back out west, the southwest to be specific. I figured I'll be able to move out there with or without a job, but I think my age and the caution that comes with being older is keeping me from making such a risky move. I no longer throw caution to the wind, don't take as many chances as I used to . . . now, chances are well calculated to have minimal risk.

I have a fellowship application in at the School for Advanced Research in Santa Fe, NM, which begins in the fall. I am applying to IAIA for a position as a New Media instructor. And then there's a possibility to teach film and video this fall at my old Art School (Munson Williams Proctor at Pratt), where I received my foundational training. So, three possibilities, not too bad, but the waiting and not knowing is uncomfortable, but I have to endure. So, depending on what comes of these possibilities moving may or may not be in the cards.

I was hoping to get back to the Denver/Boulder Indian Community, or become a part of the Santa Fe/Albuquerque Indian Community. As a displaced Mescalero Apache in Haudenosaunee country I am not an active member, though I am part of the community. Since my lineage isn't matrilineal, I cannot take part in Longhouse ceremonies, which I respect because that is the way of the Haudenosaunee (there was limited discussion on this aspect, but since I believe in traditionalism as does my brother, I decided that it was really a moot point to even think about it regardless if no one else knew where my lineage lay). I am fortunate and grateful to be able to take part in other events that occur. I was honored to be able to meet and photograph Tadodaho, Leon Shenandoah, my brother's grandfather before his passing in 1996 as well as photographing Oren Lyons in the same year. After talking with Oren for some time, he gave me some advice: not to dip my cup upstream. Apparently, our short conversation gave him great insight into my rather confrontational and radical personality, at least when coping with fairness. Although, to this day I still seem to disrupt the flow of things for those people downstream, it is an intentional choice and not one of desire for confrontation, anger or animosity but one of perspective. My time spent with the Onondaga and Mohawk (specifically Tom Porter at Kanatsiohareke) has taught me a lot about myself, my identity, my family and my desire to be an active member within the community, no matter what that entails. I know I will miss my brother and his family most, since wherever the possibilities take me will take me away from them. I've enjoyed helping my family out when needed, taking my niece or nephew to Tsha'Hon'nonyen'dakhwa' (the Onondaga Nation Arena) for hockey and lacrosse practice. It's been a great privilege watching my nieces grow up and turn into beautiful young ladies, as well as watching my nephew and my youngest niece develop personalities that sparkle and shine. I've been fortunate to be able to get to know my sister-in-law better and see what a wonderful mother she is and how she juggles motherhood and teaching, to this day she will always amaze me how women are capable of doing this while being so tender and strong. This is why the Haudenosaunee are so wonderful, the women are truly the foundation of this amazing culture.

I just had lunch with my brother, something we used to do once a week until he began his new job (it's his fourth anniversary there, but it's the job I call new). He's been busy and with four kids, his constant traveling for his job limits our time together, but a weekend soon here will bring me back to their home to help my family finish my nephew's new bedroom (an expansion to their home) in hanging sheet rock and mudding. This will give me more time to spend with them and for that I am grateful. My brother told me at lunch yesterday, after having filled him in on the possibilities, that he sees me teaching, more of a prophetic announcement than an opinion, my brother's been very accurate on issues of importance like this. He helped to set my mood at ease, because that which I cannot control I often dwell over.

I am excited and nervous for the possibilities to show themselves and look forward to finding out which ones poke their little heads out for me to see.

Oneh.

Alma mater matters?

So, I just received my third rejection in as many years from my alma mater for an assistant professor position within their film department. I always thought that your alma mater was preferential in looking at you as an option for hire. I understand I may not have the requisite screening record they may be looking for or the teaching experience, but we all know that's a catch-22. I do know this, they aren't going to find anyone with more passion than me and well, that's their loss. I'll probably hold off on reapplying for a few years if they ever advertise in that time frame. I realize my acceptance or even consideration as a candidate for that job was a long shot, considering there are faculty there that know me, and I'm sure they've gone to bat for me, proves that the politics will probably never allow them to consider me. It looks like I need to search elsewhere for suitable employment if I plan on heading back west to live, to escape CNY and its gloomy gray skies. Although, I realize one of my letters of recommendation wasn't sent through their electronic portal, so I wonder if because of that I wasn't considered, an incomplete application? *scratches head* If that was the case I desperately need to find another reference. It would have been nice to work on a campus and within a community I adore, but that's neither here nor there. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and that said, so will the possibilities! Dare to dream!

Columbus Day: An American Farce — a documentary

Columbus Day: An American Farce — a documentary, is a collaborative feature length project in preproduction between Torry Mendoza and Terrance Houle. It exists near the fringe of mockumentary, although it is a genuine documentary exploring important issues of contention, and is established in the depths of satire. This documentary aims to examine the perpetuation of this myth while it continues to be observed as an American Holiday and persists as fact in American history. While exploring its pedagogical roots and historical inaccuracy, Columbus Day: An American Farce will utilize man-on-the-street interviews, along with interviews from academic administrators at the primary, secondary and post-secondary education systems within New York State, as well as interviews with various members and groups from the Italian-American community (Knights of Columbus and the Sons of Italy). The documentary will also approach various members of the American government in an effort to realize the continued perpetuation of a man who not only didn't "discover" America, but was a criminal and perpetrator of genocide as one of America's "own." Columbus Day also resolves to answer the question, "What does Columbus Day mean to you?" and "How do you celebrate Columbus Day?"

Interviews will be conducted by interdisciplinary media artist and Blackfeet Native, Terrance "TJ" Houle as his Indigenous identity, Iiniiwahkiimah (pronounced: ee-nee-wah-kee-mah) or Buffalo Herder. Dressed in only part of his regalia, Iiniiwahkiimah dons a vest -- no shirt, a breachcloth -- no leggings, mocassins and roach with Houle's signature black rimmed glasses. Houle's articulate eloquence and intellectual presence stands in stark contrast to cinema's widely accepted constructs of Native stereotypes.

Columbus Day: An American Farce proposes to end its journey seeking the perspective of the citizens of Italy and Spain after a group of Indigenous individuals land ashore discovering those countries in the name of Indigeneity!

remnants of me

December has rolled in like a lion, just over three days of continuous snowfall with an accumulation of over 41 inches of snow. I feel like I'm reliving the film, Ground Hog's Day. It wouldn't be so bad if the city plows didn't move the detritus of people's once parked cars at the end of my freshly shoveled driveway. The snow pack is wet and thick, heavy from friction, like concrete. My body aches in specific areas from shoveling and negotiating the uncleared walkways of the neighborhood with my dog pulling at me to move faster. I slip and slide with every footfall and cannot seem to find any rhythm to my gait in this incredibly annoying inconvenience. I used to love the snow. The cold air that feels like it's burning my lungs. Snowflakes melting on my face, those that bless my eyelids with their touch and the ones I unintentionally inhale while walking. It's a serene landscape in an otherwise irksome college neighborhood, with freshman and other class men/women imposing themselves on my tired disturbed mind. Their obnoxious self-involved actions direct my mind to spaces unreached, places I don't want to dwell, angry and violent thoughts exist there, straight-jacketed so as not to harm anyone. As a youth, my walls used to bare the brunt of that part of me, now controlled, but seething just beneath the surface on the verge of erupting into a frenzied attack against my sanity. Syracuse has found a way to resurrect those remnants of me, which I thought I had laid to rest a long time ago.

Last November Blog -- the Future.

Well, November is nearly over and I look forward to what December will bring. I am obviously hoping for good things, but I'll take everything in stride. I have applied (my third time in almost as many years) for one position with my alma mater (University of Colorado, Boulder), which is my dream job. I just had the greatest experience with the faculty and the majority of people I met there, I cannot recall a downside to my time spent there. I'm hoping it's not a long shot for me to teach there, I realize my artist exhibition record doesn't include prestigious film festivals. Nor does it include a teaching record that involves production, but I was the GA that manned the film cage for my 3 years at Syracuse University, therefore I am intimately familiar with all the production equipment both analog and digital. I know I would make a great assistant professor/cinema artist because I possess the passion and determination to be one at this particular institution. I also believe that I owe this specific community because of how well I was treated and giving back in kind through my knowledge, experience and connections is what I bring to the table. There is nothing left for me in Syracuse. My job is great, though it hasn't been made into a full-time (with benefits) position, that was one point I would take into consideration in staying. It's a great job where I work with wonderful people, no bad experiences whatsoever. I think I have already distanced myself from Syracuse, not because it's necessarily a bad area, more so for the lack of opportunities that exist for me here. I will miss my family and friends and colleagues, but those relationships aren't what ties a person to any particular place. Happiness has eluded me here, friends that regard themselves as friends have little if anything to do with me, and others are under some odd pretense that they are my "friends." My return to the Southwest has lit a fire in me, awakening ideas, and excitement that have long since left me abandoned and alone in Syracuse. I am heading back to the southwest, where is the only question that remains unanswered, Santa Fe would be an ideal place for my uneasy spirit right now as would Boulder. My friends there are actually my friends and not some concept of friendship that exists without contact. My sister and niece, the two most important aspects of my life that aren't physically with me live there, the one most important aspect is man's best friend, my boy Milo. UC-Boulder, I hope you don't do yourself a disservice and ignore my third attempt at coming home to teach simply because my exhibition record is somewhat anemic from "prestigious" film festivals. Consider the big picture.

Round Up @ the Museum of Contemporary Native Art & Santa Fe

So, Saturday came and went, quickly. My artist talk went well, though nervous and worried, it went well. Two new pieces were added to the exhibition, which were initially lost to the hard drive crash, but they were resurrected from memory, maybe not 100% of what they once were, but none-the-less they were resurrected! Seven of my friends from the Boulder community attended, they all now live in the Albuquerque/Santa Fe area, except one who had flown in for another event, but Nicole made it in time to catch the tail end of the talk and view my work in the gallery. My young friend (cousin) Sylv works in Santa Fe and I had him as my guest at the hotel since he's been couch surfin' in Albuquerque, somewhat without a home, so we hung out and caught up, which was nice to have company. The food was great, you can never beat authentic southwest cuisine and New Mexican green chili, which I am already missing the morning I left it began.

The exhibition looks great and is running with four other exhibitions that are wonderful. The museum is beautiful, right there on Cathedral Place.

Next up another talk about a PBS series from the 70's at ArtRage this Friday evening.

Round Up - Museum of Contemporary Native Arts, Santa Fe, NM