Aimless - No GPS

Good-bye 2009, mundane and poisonous as you were. Hello 2010, thanks for starting off all jacked up without any clear indication of what you might be providing me in your first three months. This morning, I received notification from Ithaca College of my rejection for teaching in their film program, that makes three or four times now that I've literally applied for the same position and the third or fourth time that I've been rejected. Hmm? I know when I'm not wanted! Being that I only live a short drive away I thought I might be able to get my feet wet teaching in their program, but not even an adjunct bone has been tossed my way. This lone wolf is getting ravenous.

The beginning to this new decade is humming right along past me, as I practically lay prone in a defeated and beaten fetal position. Already? Jesus, it's a bit early for being beat down in 2010. I've gotta get my head above water and start treading like there's no tomorrow, tomorrow might just be as painful as today if things continue to go as capital as they have been last year and these past three months. I was looking forward to accomplishing a lot of things this year, but I feel so damned tired. Granted, daylight savings just ended and this time change has been taking somewhat of a toll on me, so maybe it's a temporary thing, it better be a temporary thing.

Although, I can say with the negative comes the positive, you can't have one charge without the other, can you? I don't think so. Some good has occurred within these past three months, which I believe balances out everything. Maybe I should look upon this as a fresh start? Like the board has been wiped clean. To be honest, I am a pessimist, that holds on to an ounce of optimism. Although that doesn't help me plod through all the muck and the mire.

I can say I've had the fortune of communicating with friend and fellow artist, TJ Houle and he's been helping me keep my outlook looking brighter than I have been able to illuminate it on my own. I am actually becoming the proud owner of one of his photographs, so my collection, small as it is, is slowly growing. We are planning on collaborating this year, and I am scraping and scrounging every cent to make sure it happens. I am also planning on meeting up with him in his travels to Toronto and NYC, which will be a grand meeting of the minds.

Ideas come and go, some get written down others are simply so fleeting there isn't even time to grab a pen and paper to catch them before they get lost in the ether. Lately, I feel like I have misplaced my pen and paper as I struggle to even piece together the ideas I have to make them coherent, but I also struggle to get the words out to enable myself to speak at times.

If it weren't for FLAB MAG, friend's Maria and TJ I think I'd become complacent in the position I am in, but I am warring to get out. I am hoping for great things and rearing my ugly head as hard as I can to make things happen, only time will tell if they will. There is hope, even without a GPS.